Prague-On-Segway doesn’t usually need an excuse to wander around Prague sampling it’s favourite national dishes. But in an attempt at killing two birds with one stone (not to eat), we’ve decided to satisfy our infinite appetite whilst bringing to you a short guide to the weird and wonderful world of The Czech Lunch.
«Usually the food is served in quantities which show a complete disregard for eating an evening meal, or in fact another meal ever again.»
$4 for a full meal
As we emerge wide-eyed and salivating from our apartment, the first thing we remember is we’re spoilt for choice. As well their standard menus, nearly all restaurants in Prague offer a great lunch menu, usually around the 100czk mark. A striking observation to be made when you first lay eyes on a real Czech lunch, is portion size.
Usually the food is served in quantities which show a complete disregard for eating an evening meal, or in fact another meal ever again. Prague-On-Segway suspects that these dishes are served with the sole purpose of testing the limits of your stomach’s holding capacity. And like the good students we are, we take this test as often as possible.
Outrageously tasty formula
Whilst we might be presenting a daunting prospect here, let us assure you, the food is outrageously tasty. Especially if you venture away from the famous Goulash (which we do LOVE also). To give you a digestible understanding of what you can expect on a typical Czech plate, we’ve released our inner mathematician to create a seamless formula for you to chew over:
M + C-A-T- D-O + G + (S) = ATCL
(Disclaimer: No actual domestic animals are used in Czech cooking)
Confused? We imagined as much. Let’s break that down for you:
1. [Meat from some part of an animal that you didn’t know had meat on it (we’re big fans of pork knee)
2. + some kind of Circular And Three Dimensional Objects, probably potato or bread based, whose densities exceed those of dying stars
3. + a flavour-ambiguous Gravy-like sauce
4. + (on occasion) delicately garnished with a bucket-full of Shredded pickled cabbage (much like sauerkraut)
5. = A Tasty Czech Lunch]
To begrudgingly use the cliché- it really is a winning formula [sighs, lowers and shakes head]. Heavy food combinations rarely get tastier. It’s possible that after, or if you finish the meal, that you’ll enter what the kids like to call a ‘food-coma’. The Unofficial Prague-On-Segway Dictionary understands this as a “dream-like state, in which, whilst the consumer may give the impression of being physically and mentally alive, is most likely slouched in a chair in a far-away land battling with the very concept of food”.
To find one of these eating dens, a good indicator usually is an entrance marked by a glowing Czech beer sign, such as Pilsner Urquell, Staropramen and Kozel. Keep your eyes peeled for these food factories, to experience the real Czech lunch experience. On which note, we’re going to go and slouch in our chair…